My fiancee lied about the father of our baby
I have trust issues, I know I do, and I've worked long and hard to get over them. I was cheated on, a lot, during my formative years. I was the "nice guy" the "good guy" the "best guy a gal could ask for" but I never, how should I say this? "Took advantage" of the opportunities for sex I was presented, I was sort of a prude, I wanted love, not lust, I wanted it to be special, not "because I can and it'll feel good". over the years my exes have all pretty much told me the same thing and there's no way to make this more appropriate, since I wouldn't "screw" them, they had to go find someone that would. So now I'm in a relationship, we have a daughter, but when we first found out we were pregnant, she got very distant, eventually telling me she wasn't sure I was the father (a paternity test has now settled all doubts), but, she reversed herself, saying she never cheated on me, and she did it before our daughter was even born or the test was possible. She says that her parents (who absolutely loath me, I'm a liberal atheist and they're conservative evangelicals) convinced her to lie to me so that it would be easier if I ran out on her and our daughter (was never going to happen). So now, I have a beautiful daughter that I know is mine, and a fiance I'm not sure has been faithful. What do I do?
Kudos to you for breaking the guy mold! We can see how you might have fallen into the friend zone over the years by being the nice guy in a sea of opportunistic jerks. Unfortunately, you waited all that time to finally give yourself to someone, and now you're not sure if she's the one! Your situation is quite the anomaly; we usually hear about guys growing distant after the girl gets pregnant. But in your case, it was the exact opposite. It's time to dig into your feelings for each other and try to separate your relationship from your obligation to your child. For starters, let's just assume that she's not a cheater. Even in the best case scenario, she's a liar -- regardless of what her parents counseled her to do, she's a grown woman who is capable of making her own decisions. And her decision was to fuel your deepest, darkest fear: that of being cheated on! We're guessing she knew full-well how terrified you were of that, and she decided to make you go through this traumatic experience anyway. Ask yourself if you would be engaged to this deceitful, manipulative and hurtful person regardless of whether or not she got pregnant. If you can't honestly say yes, it may be time to consider a relationship where you have joint custody of the kid and find a loving, caring woman that's going to appreciate your amazing qualities.
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comment by coskun755 at 4:49 pm
i love this site
comment by rita at 5:52 am
At the end of the day this girl is a grown up. Her parents can’t tell her what to do. You daughter is the most important thing here and you need to decide what is best for her. She needs to be brought up in a happy home and if you and Mummy can’t trust and respect eachother that is not a good way to bring up Baby. I think that you and Mummy need to either work out your issues and put the past behind you or go your seperate ways.
comment by Leona at 5:22 am
My opinion is, this fellow will find the true love of his life ONLY when he finds and acknowledges God. Until then, expect heartache. Just one woman’s views (who happens to have been cheated on by a husband of 12 years, divorced, found God, and now has found the love of her life. I do speak from experience.
comment by ambulance chick at 2:00 am
I think its wonder that you did find that your daught was yours. For her to lie to you about something that “big” I think she could have cheated she could still cheat.. who knows…. If she loved you at all there would be no lies.. and she wouldnt have hurt you like that because no matter how strong of a man you might be being told something like that could break a man into… I think you should go see someone who can talk with the two of you, maybe even a physic to see if she did cheat or would ever lie or cheat on/to you again.. without trust a relationship is nothing!
comment by Amanda at 9:16 pm
you’ll make a good father i guess..
comment by divine at 7:14 am
either you can get over or you can’t. there is no middle. i know that doesn’t sound like natyhing but think about. if you CAN get over it, your marriage will survive. if it’s going to be a sore point and something that will eventually comsume you and keep you from having a loving marriage, you’re done.you can TRY if you truly love him. but you have to be willing to truly forgive.
comment by Sara at 8:43 am