Audrina and Ryan: High Maintenance Hook-Up

Think fast–who’s more annoying? Is it metrosexual singer/serial dater Ryan Cabrera or The Hills faux-star Audrina Patridge? Quite a toss-up, right? And when you throw them them into a relationship, it’s like their powers of irksomeness increase exponentially; alone, they’re each like sandpaper on a sunburn, but together, they’re more irritating than Tucker Max wearing steel wool lingerie.

As much as we hate to see any romance come to a bitter end, we’re kind of relieved that this pair has decided to wrap things up. The two did their best to avoid each other in Vegas this past weekend, and it looks like their fling is officially kaput. (Weirdly, it’s a touchy subject for Audrina. Who knew she had…what’s the word…emotions?) If we had to take a guess about the reason for the split, it would probably have to do with their collective hair gel budget, and since their commitment to Tresemmé deserves to be honored, Moonit’s going behind the toiletries to see what really went wrong.

Check out what Moonit had to say about another reality TV star’s break-up.

According to Moonit’s birth date analysis, Audrina (born on May 9, 1985) and Ryan (born on July 18, 1982) are “incredibly volatile.” In fact, “this relationship is likely to be as high maintenance as one of the ‘Real Housewives of New Jersey’… times ten.” Let’s break it down. “Even though these two are physically attracted to each other, she has this uncanny ability to dump all their issues–and there are many–right onto his back. Since she can’t deal with them herself, we’re [thinking] all kinds of anxieties, annoyances and frustrations [will inevitably arise].”

If you’re wondering what Audrina brings to the table besides a washboard stomach and a streakless spray tan, Moonit adds that, “she can be really caring and thoughtful, but because her reactions are so unpredictable, he never knows who he’s going to be waking up next to.” (As a caveat, that may not be her fault. He dates a different reality star, like, every other hour, so it’s got to be hard to keep track of who’s under the covers come sunrise.)

See what Moonit has to say about your relationships!

With a reading this dismal, we can’t help but wonder why they ever got together. “Chances are, he probably sought her out because of his need for control. If she had let him manipulate her and he could have put up with her endless bitching, this could have been a match made in heaven: his ego would have been fulfilled, and she would have had the sounding board she’d always wanted.” Alas, it wasn’t meant to be. Ah, well. At least they’ll always have the last season of The Hills.