As you probably heard, there is much sadness in Simpsonland. (Not the Homer-and-Bart-style Universal Studios Simpsonland. Although, now that we mention it, it might be awesome if Jessica and Ashlee had their own theme park. Would it be filled with games like, “Avoid the Creepy, Overly-Involved Dad?” “Whack-a-John-Mayer?” “Damage Control: Lip-Sync Your Way Through A Live, Nationally-Televised Broadcast?” We can only dream.)

Anyway, as we said earlier, Ashlee Simpson is a sad, sad lady, mostly because “irreconcilable differences” have put a divorce-shaped wedge between her and Pete Wentz. Sure, their three years of wedlock haven’t been totally trouble-free, but we were hoping that they’d learn to work it out. (Perhaps they could still kick off the healing with a name change for their toddler, Bronx Mowgli…) Unfortunately, the legal-type papers have been inked and stamped, and here we are, wondering why these pop icons are really calling it quits.

According to Moonit, Ashlee (born on October 3, 1984) and Pete (born on June 5, 1979) were in for a “picture perfect life.” Once upon a time, their romantic prognosis looked pretty sweet; they “had amazing potential for creating their own ideal world,” and “the key was in their ability to tell each other exactly what they wanted in the most diplomatic way possible.”

During the good times, Ashlee and Pete’s strong suit was their ability to “communicate with each other, and since no one had to beat around the bush or throw a fit to get what they needed, there was no weird, passive-aggressive behavior or nasty manipulation.” Their positivity even spread to the people around them, and when they were “psyched about each other, it was like they emitted waves of happiness that washed over friends and family.”

Hold up—“white picket fences…everything on the up-and up”…this doesn’t exactly sound like the makings of lawyers and community property. What gives? Maybe the rift was rooted in Ashlee and Pete’s fundamental friendship, which ranked a paltry 19% on the platonic compatibility scale.

According to Moonit, when it came to “seeing eye-to-eye,” these two weren’t exactly on the same page. While it’s fine to “disagree…you shouldn’t dictate how the other person should lead their life…but that’s exactly what you were inclined to do.” Yikes. Unfortunately, “Pete felt like he was being judged all the time…so it was tough for him to be himself or feel like sharing…ever.” We hope these two are better off going their separate ways, and given their analysis, we hope they’ll never decide to “just be friends.”

The Roommate hits theaters this week, and if you missed the trailer during one of its 18,000,000,000 prime-time airings, we shall get you up to speed. Essentially, thanks to the infallible college roommate lottery, former Friday Night Lights-er Minka Kelly is saddled with her doppleganger, Gossip Girl star Leighton Meester.

After a promising beginning, Meester does her absolute best to terrorize the crap out of Kelly. It sounds like pretty standard horror fare, but since you’ve got to draw from somewhere to pull off convincing BFFs-turned-arch-nemeses, Moonit’s decided to see if there’s any method to this acting.

According to their birth dates, Leighton (born on April 9, 1986) and Minka (born on June 24, 1980) have quite a feisty real-life relationship. Although they’re “likely to be tight,” they’re also prone to “bickering all the time.” It can be tough because it feels like no matter how hard Leighton tries, “she just can’t seem to get through” to Minka.

The problem lies in their inherent differences; Leighton’s “intuitive, impulsive and works from her gut,” while Minka’s more “practical and rational.” We know it “can be aggravating to deal with someone whose approach to the world [is 180°] off,” but Leighton should consider “calmly talking through any issues that crop up” rather than getting all “Single White Female” on Minka.

And considering that this movie is essentially an SWF remake for the Gen Z crowd, could this be a “life imitates art” situation?  Let’s hope The Roommate screenplay wasn’t inspired by some real-life Leighton-Minka drama.

Moonit urges them to “look out–if they let the tension build, this relationship might not weather the storm.” But “once they learn to choose their battles and stop sweating the stupid stuff,” they actually have potential to become “lifelong friends.”

On the co-star front, it turns out there’s more than a little friendly competition lurking behind the scenes. According to their professional relationship analysis, it’s “like a good ol’-fashioned backstabbing is right around the corner.” In this relationship, Leighton and Minka both “need to keep their eyes wide open…they’re definitely going to encounter some obstacles that’ll test their commitment to each other.”

Watch your backs, ladies!

Hold on to your hats, take your heart pills, and grab a seat, because we’ve got a huge piece of totally off-the-wall news. In a completely shocking move, the universe has united Ryan Gosling and Blake Lively, two gorgeous, talented, Hollywood actors! Who would have thought that two insanely physically attractive people would want to make-out with each other, right?

Gosling is reportedly “incredibly taken” with Lively; lo and behold, she’s been returning his affections, clinching the fact that she’s rebounding nicely from a long-term relationship with “Gossip Girl” co-star Penn Badgley. We know Gosling and Lively have been mauling each other in VIP rooms and playing the I-only-have-eyes-for-you game at the Blue Valentine premiere, but is this match more than a chance for PDA? Will they continue to shock and amaze with a–wait for it–serious monogamous relationship? Moonit’s here to find out.

According to their birth date analysis, Ryan (born on November 12, 1980) and Blake (born on August 25, 1987) have a really weird romantic prognosis. Since their relationship is destined to be “constantly in flux,” it’s sort of like they’re on a scorching hot, blond “roller coaster ride.” On the upside, there’ll never be any yawning or thumb-twiddling, because “when life gets a little boring, a relationship like this can be a welcome change.” At the same time, a pairing like this one isn’t exactly meant “for the faint of heart.” Yikes.

We get it. These two may not be star-crossed luh-vahs, but it’s a good thing that they’ve got a solid platonic basis to fall back on. Sayeth Moonit, “this might be one of the easiest and most supportive friendships they’ve ever had.” Blake is to Ryan as “Robin [is to] Batman…this is the person who’s going to enjoy you for exactly who you are, and help keep you sane when your other friends are working your last nerve.”

And professionally speaking, these two might as well be “the newest members of the Overachievers Club.” Could there be a serious business partnership in their future? We hope so, because with each other’s help and encouragement, they’ll “be able to hit new heights and accomplish even more than their regular Herculean output.” Wowzers, it’s always sad when Moonit says that the hearts and cuddles are a maybe, but we’ll trade an iffy romance for a top-notch pal who can earn us the big bucks any day of the week.

Teen hearts are breaking across the country right now! Looks like sweethearts Zac Efron and Vanessa Hudgens are the latest in a string of celebrity couple break-ups.

Only difference is, this time there was no cheating or third party involved. What makes things even more confusing is that the last time we wrote about them, they were moving in together and planning to get married in Hawaii. For those of you scratching your heads, here’s Moonit’s deep dive into their relationship.

Well, sometimes Moonit’s romantic analysis is so spot-on that it’s almost scary. According to our analysis of Vanessa and Zac’s birthdates, it’s like there’s a force larger than life drawing Zac (born October 18, 1987) to the magnetic personality Vanessa (born December 14, 1988) has, telling him he needs to be around her to achieve his true potential.

Pretty soon, wherever they go together, they’re the “it” couple (we swear, this wasn’t written specifically for them!): they entertain the people who matter, they’re effortlessly “on” all the time and they’re confident in any situation together. From the perfectly timed snuggling to their witty banter to their meticulously appointed house, everyone around them wants to emulate their “perfect” relationship.

See what’s in store for your relationships on Moonit.

Moonit’s compatibility output goes on to warn the two that they should be careful. When two people spend so much time honing a bulletproof, enviable exterior, their interiors tend to suffer. Keeping up appearances can be exhausting, and these two are setting a world record for “looking the part.”

They spend so much time working to please everyone else that they may wind up neglecting themselves in the process. Maybe that’s why their relationship ran its course.

If you’ve watched ABC this season, you may have noticed hottie Joanna Garcia on the sitcom Better With You. Lucky girl–not only has her show been picked up for 22 episodes, but she’s also getting ready to say her “I do”s with Yankee outfielder Nick Swisher. Will Joanna’s charmed life run over into her marriage, or will her luck run out after she walks down the aisle? Moonit’s on the case.

According to their birth dates, Joanna (born on August 10, 1979) and Nick (born on November 25, 1980) are two people who “genuinely dig each other” a ton and “complement each other” well. It’s kind of cute that they “can’t keep their hands off each other.” Ironically enough for a baller, Nick’s “whole game is actually not having game,” but that tends to work well; Joanna can be “pretty assertive” in the romance department.

Not only are they “physically and emotionally synced,” but they have the potential to “create a fun, affectionate world for each other.” Their romantic assessment goes on to say that if they’re casually dating, “holy matrimony” and “personalized wedding bands” are totally in their relationship DNA. It’s no surprise they’re about to make things official.

In fact, “they’ve got so much love to go ’round, kids would be a great idea for these two natural-born parents.” And “since they tend to collaborate well on all fronts,” they’d also make “terrific partners on a joint project.”

We’re just spitballing here, but Joanna’s been doing a lot of charity work to raise awareness for cancer research. And since Nick sadly has connections to the disease through his late grandmother, this couple would be a power-packed fundraising team for a terrific cause. We’re sure no matter what they collaborate on–whether it’s philanthropy or popping out a few rugrats–they’ll be in it to win it.

Watch out, Eva Longoria! The ink’s not even dry on your court papers, but the vultures are already circling around your impending divorce to hubby Tony Parker. And the most aggressive by far: none other than singing slime ball John Mayer.

Getting flashbacks to his hot pursuit of Jessica Simpson as soon as the Newlyweds star went back on the market years ago? Yeah, so are we. A friend of John’s tells Rob Shuter of Popeater that “John is crazy about Eva,” and goes on to gab that “There is something about newly-divorced ladies that drives him nuts.”

Meanwhile, Eva’s camp is putting out a totally different vibe, more like “Stay away. Stay far far away.” A friend of the Desperate Housewives star says “No way is Eva thinking of another man right now,” and continues that “Mayer can send all the flowers in the world and even show up under her window with his guitar and it would make no difference.”

Which got us thinking, “what if…” So Moonit’s seeing why John’s putting the full-court press on Eva and if they’ve got a shot in hell at coupledom some day.

According to their birth dates, Eva (born March 15, 1975) and John (born October 16, 1977) are not bad on the astrological front. In an alternate universe that allows these two to join forces, it would be like “walking on easy street” for them. Eva and John have the potential to be “quite the intimidating couple if they decide to get together.”

The “secret is that neither of them has to change their lives to be around the other,” so there’s “no fighting over the DVR or who’s going to which family’s Thanksgiving next year.” When they’re “around each other,” it’s “almost never annoying,” and “when they’re not physically together, they “always manage to stay on the same page somehow.” We can think of one obvious way they might be doing that: Twitter.

And, to top it off, they’ve “got passion to spare and aren’t afraid of a little PDA.” We shudder to picture that. Although John’s got “the tendency to blow a gasket,” Eva’s “constant support and admiration prevent that from happening whenever she’s around.” So guess we’ve gotta give it up to John: nice work scoping out your latest victim!

It’s only been three years, but Eva Longoria and Tony Parker are already talking divorce. Frankly, it just doesn’t track; they’ve been smoochy and lovey-dovey and I-don’t-ever-want-to-be-parted-from-you-so-let’s-share-a-lung-y since they day they met, so this whole infidelity thing seems way out of left field.

It would be one thing if Tony was like, “Hey, so, um, I kind of accidentally kissed someone else once. Sorry.” Instead, the San Antonio Spurs player owned up to an ongoing affair with a mutual friend, and if Eva didn’t take him at his word, she could easily verify the cheating by looking at the kajillion texts on his phone–and yes, they’re of an “intimate” nature. Do these two have a shot at reconciliation, or has Tony’s wandering eye killed this romance for good? Moonit’s ready to find out.

Based on their birth date analysis, Eva (born on March 15, 1975) and Tony (born on May 17, 1982), Moonit cautioned them to watch out for the “long and bumpy ride ahead.” Even though “these two were into each other since they first met,” they were wise enough to wonder “if that was enough to make this thing work.” The attraction was undeniable, and the prospect of being with each other was so attractive that they were “obsessed with seeing this relationship run its course, regardless of how many huge speed bumps they encountered.”

It wasn’t completely doomed; things could have been great “if they had the self confidence to be assertive and put their all into this relationship from the get-go.” Unfortunately for Eva, her insecurity helped create a “layer of anxiety” that continually “weighed their relationship down,” and with that much doubt in the mix, “things became a bit too uncomfortable for either of them to ever really have a good time.” Even still, they were hell bent on “seeing this one out,” and sadly, “none of us could tell them otherwise.” Poor Eva. We wish you happiness, closure, and lots and lots of chocolate.

Woo-hoo! Huzzah! Yippie-ay-oh-cai-ay! Why are we celebrating? Because Karina Smirnoff finally figured out that hooking up with her Dancing With The Stars castmates is a terrible idea! Remember her split with former dance partner Mario Lopez? Or her whirlwhind engagement to crazypantz Maksim Chmerkovskiy?

Finally–FINALLY–Karina’s pairing off with someone whose version of “fancy footwork” means doing the ‘chicken dance’ at a wedding. Her latest fiancee is Brad Penny, starting pitcher for the St. Louis Cardinals, and by all accounts, he’s a real-deal “Southern Gentleman.”

Penny proposed with a 4.5 carat sparkler, and since then, the two have been deeply immersed in the cutesy-poo-dom that comes with engagement. Can their mere year of dating support a solid marriage, or is Smirnoff just looking for an escape from twinkle-toed two-timers? Moonit’s ready to find out.

According to their birth dates, Karina (born on January 2, 1978) and Brad (born on May 24, 1978) may be “taking the easy way out.” This relationship “brings to mind the early days of Brit and K-Fed.” Now, now, we can explain. The good thing is that they “can’t keep their mitts off each other and want to spend all their time together”…the bad thing is that they’re “not exactly making each other better people.”

What does that mean, exactly? Well, in Karina and Brad’s case, there’s nearly “zero motivation to get out of bed unless there’s talk of 2-for-1 early bird drink specials at the hotel’s pool bar.” Since they’re eating and breathing bliss, it’s easy for Karina to ignore any niggling doubts; Brad seems to be “the answer to her prayers: always there for her, ready to take care of her and never asking anything in return.”

When these two are out on the town, “they can be quite the dynamic and romantic duo, making everyone around them jealous with their lavish public displays of affection.” But when it comes down to getting serious and actually talking about “the future of their relationship,” Karina’s “probably not as thrilled about his reaction.”

On paper–and gauging by their astronomical number of PDAs–Karina and Brad have “seeming simpatico,” but truthfully, “this relationship has more commitment issues than a psych ward.” A friendly piece of advice: if they want to see this thing through, they’re “going to have to level with each other about what they really want.” Otherwise, this engagement may turn out to be yet another DWTS-style disaster.

Remember when Vanessa Minnillo was just that super hot chick on TRL? And Nick Lachey was just that guy who tried to help us remember why we liked Jessica Simpson in the first place? Well, when former beauty queen Minnillo teamed up with former boy-bander (and recent divorcee) Lachey back in 2006, things were instantly hot and heavy.

No wonder. According to our Moonit Meter, these two know how to have a good time together, but they were probably off on a record-breaking bender from day one. While they’ve split up and gotten back together more times than any of us cares to know, our sources have confirmed that the toned twosome are back on in a big, big way.

This week, Nick proposed to Vanessa in an intimate beachside ceremony with a rocked-out asscher-cut diamond by Bader & Garrin. And now they’re in Mexico, celebrating the ginormous proposal and their upcoming birthdays. So Moonit’s on the case to see whether this engagement was better late than never or not worth the wait..

Check out Moonit’s assessment of Nick’s ex Jessica and her BF.

Even though there’s seven years between them, Nick (born November 9, 1973) and Vanessa (born November 9, 1980) happen to share a birthday, and our charts indicate that they’re in for an off-the-charts romance. While they’ll likely set new highs (and lows) for living it up together, certain essential words like “restraint” and “moderation” may be missing from their relationship vocabulary.

That might be why they’ve been known to party non-stop, blow cash like it’s going out of style, and burn up the bedsheets. As far as long-term love goes, though? We hate to party-poop, but no one can keep up break-neck pace like that for long.

See what’s in store for your relationships on Moonit.

That being said, the made-for-MTV pair has got a ton in common: pop roots, hosting careers, tan-in-a-can style–and the combined business know-how to turn a joint venture into a serious cash cow. And luckily, they’ve been able to break their lip lock for long enough to give their couple-hood some serious thought…because make-out fueled transcontinental bar hopping was going nowhere fast. Aww, how cute —  glad to see these two are all grown up!

Check out another singer-host couple combo.

You know what’s more bizarre than cats loving dogs, or oil mixing with water, or Chelsea Handler and 50 Cent dating? Actually, that last one pretty much hit it: Chelsea Handler and 50 Cent are hanging out. And it makes perfect sense, right? Because he’s a former drug dealer who made it big as a rapper and then survived being shot nine times.

And she’s…the coarser, blonder, manlier version of Howard Stern. We’re…surprised we didn’t see the connection before. Will this improbable romance withstand the scrutiny? Will we ever stop scratching our heads and saying, “….really? They’re….really?” Either way, Moonit’s on the case to see what their relationship would be like.

According to Moonit’s romantic assessment, Fiddy and Chelsea’s three dates are bound to bloom into a beautiful, eh, brelationship. 50 Cent (born July 6, 1975) and Chelsea Handler (born February 25, 1975) “have it all: physical attraction, emotional support and a solid friendship to base it on.” Their happiness is so contagious that, “even their most cynical friends are rooting for them.”

Here’s a classic case of never judging a book by it’s cover. This “duo is so harmonious,” and “when they’re not making Cupid nauseous with their constant canoodling, they’re both super empathetic and instinctively attuned to each other’s needs and moods.”

Even when they have a cranky day, they’re “pretty great at sussing out the roots of each other’s opinions and feelings, so when one of them cops an attitude, the other can quickly talk them down.” Good to know, because have you ever actually listened to Fiddy’s rhymes? Dude can get mad, y’all.

Ultimately, these two should consider turning their booty-call status into something long term, because “they’d have a terrific married life, and their future family would make the Brady Bunch look dysfunctional.” So, whether Fiddy becomes “Mr. Chandler” or Chelsea becomes “Mrs. Cent,” we’ll keep an eye out for the wedding invite. (Sorry about the Howard Stern comment earlier. We’ll have the fish entree, please.)