Halle & Her Baby Daddy Done

What’s with all these gorgeous, talented women teaming up with disposable dirt bags? Sandra Bullock, Kate Winslet, and now, Halle Berry? Sheesh. The partners they’ve picked are so beneath these women, these guys would have to dig straight upwards for a day just to see sunlight. We know self-esteem isn’t so easy to come by, but really? You’re Hollywood icons, ladies. Own it.

And now, on to Ms. Berry. After some fair-to-middling marital choices–see ex-spouses aka total dogs David Justice and Eric Benet–Oscar-winner Halle Berry seemed to find the perfect guy. Enter Canadian-born Gabriel Aubry. (*insert angelic sound effect*). The two met on a Versace shoot in 2006, and soon, Berry’s life expanded to include an adorable daughter (Nahla) and a supportive, devoted supermodel/partner.

Check out some other A-List actress issues.

Things seemed pretty hunky dory until this past week, when Gabriel and Halle announced the end of their four-year relationship. According to Aubry, things weren’t “working anymore,” and “the nine-year age difference” was proving to be too much to handle. We’re like, “what the…?” Recent interviews revealed that the couple never actually planned to marry, but Gabriel has also alluded to wanting a brother or sister for Nahla. First, he’s all, “mor kidz plskthx,” and then he’s all, “ur old bye?” Something’s screwy, and Moonit’s ready to suss out the real story.

According to Moonit, there’s a little more to this split than the age gap. Their birth date analysis shows that Halle (born on August 14, 1966) and her baby daddy (born on January 4, 1976) have a tendency to “push each other’s buttons.” Moonit explains that their relationship is, “like Beirut in the ’80s: the bullets start to fly when these two get together.”

Their reading goes on to say that, “there’s some serious tension between them…in particular, she’s likely to ring up a bunch of his pet peeves without even realizing it.” Plus, Halle doesn’t usually hang with “self-involved people, so after a while, his out-of-this-world ego can start to rub her the wrong way…Like most narcissists, it’s his world, and she’s just a part of it. Normally she wouldn’t even think about dating someone like him…” Sadly, the break-up kind of makes sense. In this case, it looks like beauty is, in fact, only skin deep.