Jamie-Lynn and Turtle: Breaking Up the Entourage

Jamie-Lynn Sigler gave average Joes everywhere a little spark of hope when she started slumming with Jerry Ferrara (Entourage’s tubby Turtle) last fall. Most folks assumed the goo-goo eyes and kissy-faces were just a stunt to promote the Mafia-princess-turned-Maxim-pinup’s appearance on the fifth and sixth seasons of the hit HBO series. Instead, Hollywood uttered a collective “WTF…?” when the unlikely pair turned out to be the real deal. Now, after over a year of coupledom, the two are mirroring their narrative arc and calling it quits. Since we’re still scratching our heads about the initial get-together, Moonit decided it was high time we got to the bottom of this mismatched duo.

Moonit’s relationship analysis reveals this was a classic case of misunderstood friendship; after her 2005 split from husband A.J. DiScala, Sigler was feeling pretty vulnerable, and when she developed a close bond with Ferrara, she pushed it further than it should have gone. (We’re guessing diving into a Ferrara flirtation was less of an, “I must have you!” and more of an, “Eh. Why not?”).

And based on their friendship assessment, it’s understandable–the Moonit meter says that,”this might be one of the easiest and most supportive friendships they’ve ever had. It’s like he’s the Robin to her Batman: encouraging, understanding and totally has her back… There’s this great inherent trust, so it’s a given that they’re going to have a hell of a time whenever they’re around each other.”

It goes on to say that, “even if she’s snorting while she laughs, this is the person who’s going to enjoy her for exactly who she is.” We’re thinking that’s precisely what post-divorce Jamie-Lynn needed at the time.

Clearly, on the buddy-buddy front, things were all rosy, but Moonit’s less-than-sparkly romantic assessment offers up a few clues about the recent parting of ways. Says the readout, “these two are about as able to communicate as Jean-Claude Van Damme and Arianna Huffington…they’re not going to be pondering the complexities of life anytime soon.” Yikes.

And it doesn’t get much better: “Unless you plan to date mind readers for the rest of your life, you’re probably going to need to learn how to express your feelings to one another like grown-ups. It’s hard enough to nurture a real relationship, but it’s even tougher to go the distance if you don’t know how to convey what you need to the person you care about.” Hopefully Jamie-Lynn can pull the “can’t we just be friends?” line without stomping on Turtle’s cojones.