Jon and Dorothea Bon Jovi: In It For the Long Haul

Once upon a time, Jon Bon Jovi was just another hair band frontman. His poofy ‘do, cutie-pie looks, and how’s-about-another-analogy-for-love pop songs endeared him not only to the masses but also to wife Dorothea, his high school sweetheart. The two got hitched in 1989, and their relationship has been going strong ever since. (That’s sort of in direct violation of the rules of rock ‘n’ roll, right?)

Anyway, it’s over 20 years later, and they’re still all schmoopy-poo–or are they? Recently, a bunch of mid-’80s era pictures surfaced, and they’re not exactly in line with Jon’s I’m-devoted-to-my-wife persona. They’re pretty NSFW, but Jon doesn’t look all too upset about being at the bottom of a naked lady dog-pile.)

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Of course, Jon swears up and down that the pics were part of a PR stunt, but they kind of make you wonder…is it possible for a rock star to stay faithful for over two decades? And is Dorothea really willing to put up with the big-boobed blonde brigade? Moonit’s ready to find out.

According to their birth date analysis, Jon (born on March 2, 1962) and Dorothea (born on September 29, 1962) are a “match made in heaven.” Have you ever heard that expression, “if you love something, set it free…?” In this case? It’s a load of garbage.

For Jon an Dorothea, it’s more like, “if you love something, grab onto it with both hands and don’t let go.” These guys have it all: “they’re physically attracted to each other, they provide each other with unwavering emotional support, and they dig each other’s vibe more than Brett Michaels loves strip clubs.”

Their reading reveals that “they’re perfectly matched,” but they probably already knew that. So, why does their relationship look sweeter than a candy convention? “They’re both great at identifying with each other, they instinctively understand each other’s needs and moods, and they can practically finish each other’s sentences.” It’s essentially like Jon’s “dating his best friend…who he wants to see naked.”

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And you know how people always warn against working with family? It’s not always true. In fact, “these two have the makings of ideal partners no matter what they’re collaborating on,” so we encourage them to “give that new joint project a shot.” In the meantime, “go get married and have a billion kids. The world can’t lose with a bunch of little you-hybrids running around.” Good work, Bon Jovi clan. The more you procreate, the better the future looks.