Kat Von D: Jesse James’ Dream Girl?

We’ve all tried to forget about the Jesse James, that lover of skeezy hook-ups and Nazi propaganda. Since breaking Sandra Bullock’s heart, “Klassy with a ‘K’” James has shown his penchant for the dark side, and specifically, for ladies who sport serious tats. (*cough* Michelle (Bombshell) McGee *cough*)

With that in mind, it’s no great shock that James was spotted dining with Kat Von D, star of L.A. Ink. Could they be a perfect match? Possibly. After all, she’s got more ink running through her veins than blood, and her dating history is beyond questionable. (We can kind of understand Nikki Sixx, but “Jackass”’s Steve-O? Come on.) Could Jesse and Kat’s dinner at Las Vegas’ N9ne Steakhouse be a sign of imminent couplehood? Moonit’s on the case.

According to their birth dates, Jesse (born on April 19, 1969) and Kat (born on March 8, 1982) have “two tickets to paradise.” This relationship can “closely resemble a buffet of awesomeness, but only if these two have the means to bankroll it.” Jesse and Kat “feed each other’s tendency to indulge in the finer things in life.” (With that said, we hope they refrain from literally feeding each other in public; we’ve got a hair-trigger gag reflex.)

It’s great that they “feel totally connected,” but that can also mean neither of them “puts the kibosh on some of the not-so-practical ideas they come up with.” (In retrospect, those matching facial tattoos may not have been the best idea).

If they’ve got “a nice expense account to fall back on,” we say “by all means”;Jesse ought to “take her along for the ride” because the two of them are “into a lot of the same things.”  And that “makes for fun times, both in and out of bed.” (We’re not making this up, their birth date assessment seriously says that).

On the other hand, when we take a look at their long-term relationship potential, their friendship output isn’t an overwhelming thumbs-up. Unless these two were each born with an extra “patience” gene, things may get dicey; when Kat’s around, Jesse is likely “to blow his stack on a daily basis.”

It’s like their friendship is “dangling from a thin wire,” and “any slight breeze is guaranteed to make it twist in the wind.” That’s because they’ve “got completely different ways of dealing with stress.” To top it off, they “don’t have a healthy, mutual release valve for the pressure and tension that seem to be constantly building.”

If you’d like more of a visual, we’d imagine this partnership is something like mixing a pressure cooker with a volcano and throwing some angry porcupines into the mix. “Balance” isn’t exactly the word of the day for these two.