Kourtney Kardashian and Baby Daddy Scott

As these celebs pop out one bouncing baby press release after another, the Moonit stork is working overtime (yes, we seem to be on pamper patrol). This time, we’re chronicling the bundle of future child support known as Mason Dash Disick; he’s the son of Kourtney, the eldest Kardashian sister, and her personal zombie Scott. (And guys? Nothing says “classy” like making your son’s middle name a tribute to your clothing store. Nice work!).

The on-again, off-again couple welcomed their son to the world on Monday. For all of you who enjoy competitive spitting, playing “What’s that smell?” or actually have a j-o-b, we’ve been “Keeping Up With the Kardashians” for you and can fill you in on the eternal love story that is Scott and Kourt.

You know Kourtney–she’s haunted E! for four seasons. But what about Scott? He’s been vilified on The Kardashians, but surely he can’t be that bad, right? Let’s break down the stats.

He’s: a third-generation trust-fund-baby from the Hamptons, the Rhodes Scholar who hung up on Kourtney when she called him out on hearing another woman in the background, claiming they got disconnected, the player who refers to another woman via text messages as, “my wife,” and writes, “I wish I could come to LA for a week and not tell Kourt,” and finally, the sperm donor Kourtney referred to as, “my ex-boyfriend, who is now my boyfriend,” when she revealed her baby-daddy’s identity on The Today Show.

Let’s all say it together: yikes. And with that gaggle of Kardashians incessantly begging her to kick him to the curb, why would Kourt keep the home fires burning for this yutz? Moonit may be able to explain the Krazy Glue™-like bond between Scott and Kourtney.

Hope these two have a “license to flirt.” Because their analysis goes on to say that, “From day one, there’s been some serious sexual tension brewing” between them.

That’s why they’re “super feisty with each other… they have tons of fun together… and, since they both have a competitive side, that flirty rivalry can ratchet up the sparks as soon as they get in each other’s sights.”

There’s also a useful bi-product of their relationship: a ton of energy. So not only can they “switch to decaf when they get together, but it makes sense for them to consider putting all this energy to good use and collaborate on a project.”

So “whichever direction they two decide to go in, this should be an interesting pairing that always keeps them on their toes.”