Why Jessica Simpson & Eric Johnson are Dating

Remember Jessica Simpson? She of the string of terrible films, the incredible “chicken of the sea” comment, and the creepy dad? We’re probably not the first to ask this, but what the hell is she doing with former Ivy Leaguer, one-time NFL player, and all-around nice guy Eric Johnson?

They’ve been PDA-ing all over the place–at the airport on the way back from a Florida getaway, on the Isle of Capri for her dirty 30th, and everywhere else they can sneak in a near-naked bear hug. But other than locking lips, do they actually have anything in common? He went to Yale, and he cares about stuff like the environment.

Find out what we had to say about Jess’ ex-hubby Nick & Vanessa…

She thinks the continents are “A-E-I-O [and] U!” Well, look at it this way; her sister, Ashlee Simpson Wentz is on board, so maybe the family’s trying to inject some good pedigree into the gene pool. Moonit’s here to find out if Jess and Eric’s relationship actually has some legs, or if he’s just being put out to stud.

According to their birth date analysis, Jessica (born on July 10, 1980) and Eric (born on September 15, 1979) are “en fuego.” Their readout compares their current dynamic to “living out a live-action romance novel”, and indicates that they “have passion to spare, and attraction levels [that] are off the charts.” Since “there’ll never be a dull moment,” it sounds pretty good so far, no?

…No. If these two can actually “take a break from fantasizing…and focus for a second,” they may just realize that their hold on each other doesn’t have much substance. For them, the draw is “usually more about the thrill of the chase than actually getting together for good.” And even worse? They seem like a the original road map to crazytown; “when they combine their white-hot attraction with some emotional volatility and penchant for possessiveness, they’ve got all the makings of a far-fetched telenovela.”

See what’s in store for your relationships on Moonit!

Moonit suggests that, “if they’ve got a flair for the dramatic…go for it..but there’s a price to pay for this constant state of heightened drama; that would be their sanity.” On the other hand, “if they’re actually into a healthy, mutually beneficial thing, they may want to chalk this up to a fun hookup and promptly change the channel.” In other words, RUN ERIC, RUN! Flee while you still can–before Joe Simpson starts talking about your cup size. Once the family sinks its teeth into you, you’re in for a lifetime of reality shows and blonde extensions, and no one wants that.