Why Joe Jonas & Ashley Greene Don’t Stand a Chance

ZOMG, you guys. Are you listening? Because Joe Jonas and Ashley Greene were just spotted hanging out FOR THE THIRD TIME! They say they’re just friends, but whatever, because first they totes drank some S-Bucks together AFTER THEY LEFT HER APARTMENT. (Walk of shame, much? LOL!!!11!!)

And then they ate (THEY ATE!) dinner and then that one time, and another time they hit (THEY HIT!) The Ivy and a concert. Which means that they’re, like, making a million babies together and it’s ridic because they’re both, like, so young, but whateves. They’re TOTES IN LOVE AND HEARTS AND STARS AND STARTS AND HARS AND
*explode*

Ahem.

All of this goes to say that Joe Jonas and Ashley Greene might be playing hide-the-purity-ring together, but since the couple will neither confirm nor deny, Moonit’s only offering up a best guess about this are-they-or-aren’t-they couple..

We predict a crash-and-burn scenario is underway. According to their birth date analysis, if Joe (born on August 15, 1989) started dating Ashley (born on February 21, 1987), it would be like “taking the easy way out.” Let’s explain, shall we? “This relationship brings to mind the early days of Brit and K-Fed.” The good thing is that they “can’t keep their mitts off each other and want to spend all their time together,” but the bad part is that “they’re not exactly making each other better people.”

Their reading goes on to say that, in Joe’s opinion, Ashley’s “pretty much his dream date and seems like the answer to his prayers: she’s always there for him, she’s ready to take care of him and she never asks for anything in return.” When Joe and Ashley are together, they can be “quite the dynamic and romantic duo, making everyone around them jealous with their lavish displays of affection.”

And here’s the “but.” Sadly, in spite of the seeming simpatico, this relationship, “has more commitment issues than a psych ward.” Ashley can be “tough to tie down,” and “unless each date packs the same punch and passion as the day they first met,” she might “keep looking around for greener pastures.” Sources close to the pair seem to substantiate this theory, and one source even intimated that they, “…think he wants it to be more than she does right now…She’s a maneater.”

<gossip>Joe’s supposedly broken up with recent girlfriends Taylor Swift and Demi Lovato over the phone (and is still rumored to be hooking up with Demi on the side), so if the Ashley rumors are true, she’d just be feeding the young player a heaping dose of his own medicine. Even still, let’s not totally rule out the possibility that Joe might be able to get the upper hand somewhere down the road.</gossip>

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In any case, if they want this romance to materialize into a real relationship, Joe and Ashley need to “level with each other about what they really want out of it.” Yeesh. It all seems like a bit much to ask from a pair of young, hot twenty-somethings who are just starting to hit the Hollywood dating scene. Ah, well. Call us when there’s a 27-second break-up message on Ashley’s voicemail.